Tamagotchi...you're playing my song. I enjoy people for the most part and they seem to enjoy me but I have to try so hard to be "normal" and hide the little quirks I realize I need to overcome. I realize that my JW upbringing has stunted me in terms of making friends from scratch and knowing how to handle myself in certain situations. I've had to learn not to be so judgemental, not to assume things about people, label people or expect myself or others to be so perfect. I also have to remember that I'm not responsible for saving anyone, having answers to all the big picture universal questions or proving things to people or defending my beliefs and understandings. Looking back, all of that came from being a JW. Having the idea drummed into your head since childhood that the whole world is broken and that mankind as a whole is flawed and unredeemable, is bound to do a number on ones psyche. Always having to evaluate everything and everyone through a strict and often unattainable set of standards and cramming myself into a mold that someone else carved out for me...not to mention the shame and guilt I had to carry around for not quite "getting" what everyone else seemed to believe in so wholeheartedly about the so-called "truth". The "unity" they strove for, homogenized and stunted me to the point that I often don't know how I really feel or what I really think. Sometimes I surprise myself with the odd little reactions I have to things, that seem to come out of nowhere but then I realize that I'm trying to use a JW induced thought processes that often don't work in the real world.
The thing that has helped me is reading books on the topic of conversation and making friends, observing what those who seem to attract others, do and having a few pre thought out answers, phrases, stories, jokes or topics that I can fall back on when I'm not sure what to do or say. Overcoming "learned" behavior that has taken place over one's lifetime, can't be done overnight but it can get better.
The good news is that you realize there may be a need for improvement and that puts you way ahead of the game. I suspect, like me, you are probably not as noticeably bad off in this regard, as you may feel you are.
